"So much hate from the ones we love."

That is about to happen and I know it because my heart feels so. Somebody, who isn't a friend to me but an acquaintance once told me that I should in every way barricade my emotions with high brick walls. And, I should let my mind control the current of my affective state of consciousness. While my new boss told me to just be myself. I liked the latter more - short and sweet. Thing is, the acquaintance made a good point too. I mean, what if I - whose soul usually works on an emotion-based system and cognitive functioning comes later - allow my mind to control my emotions like how there are traffic lights in the world because without them, the road will cry in massive traffic chaos. And, that hurts. It hurts so bad that you want to hide forever: away from social platforms, away from your loved ones, away from your books, away from your neighbour's dogs and basically, just go obsolete. Diminish into thin air just like that I wish.

Back to the main topic of this post:

Another reason why I feel that people are yet to move into fury with my existence is that I bring so much disappointment in them. Maybe some people already have beef with me. Btw, realise something different about this sentence? If you do, good for you and thank you for being so kind and patient reading my ridiculous time-wasting whirlwind emotion pool. If you don't, then allow me to point that out for you. Apparently, there isn't any brackets in my sentence which I usually and normally do put brackets in a sentence especially when I'm not sure about the matter of my subject.

Eg. Apple(s) - this shows that i cannot remember the amount of apples i had some time ago.

(cont') I shouldn't be typing this because this goes classified as top secret with no distribution to any of my matter that should be remained close to me and not in some massive digital free outlet. That thought no longer matters to me anymore because nothing really matters to me anymore. I feel like an anonymous now because I don't know who Melly is. Or the girl who used to laugh at everything, smiled because it was nice to smile and it doesn't matter who or what she's smiling to. I'd like to think that my broken heart contribute this remote sadness but it isn't really. It's just me, lost and scared. I just want to go back being that little girl where I can just go up to my parents telling them everything and anything.

I am sorry. If i only could make all your disappointments in me diminish into thin air, i would. I may take some time but whatever it takes to lift off those obstructions in you and in me, i would. if you are about to hate me and shut me off, don't feel bad about it because there won't be any regrets for that. Your friend here wouldn't be that burden clinging on your shoulder anymore. So whatever it takes to hate me, I am prepared for that.

But I just want you all to know (everyone of you) that I love you and goodbye.