One Bad Smoothie

I am feeling very mixed now. Mixed like banana lychee passion fruit smoothie. That's what I had last night at a cafe. I didn't like that blend very well, it was sour and extremely milky. Well, it is a smoothie so I guess it's supposed to taste like that. Funny because I feel like that now. My mum just walked in to my room and said something really annoying. And, it has got nothing to do with chores but just me. My airy nature. I wanted to shut my ears for a bit but I didn't want to be rude so I tuned my ear drums to 'listen' mode. She nagged like every mother would and nagging is annoying. Most children hates it when parents nag. I do but this time, it was different and no, I don't hate my mum. I love her so much. So when she nagged just now, it was because she is concern about me. I truly appreciate that nag. In fact, it jolted me into reality that brutally triggered my laggard wire. So, Ouch.  And, as for right now I am finishing up my 'unfinished pieces'. That sounds like food by the way.

Mum said, "You should start finishing up pieces you always leave hanging." I kept quiet while I looked at her beautiful face. She added "Dad is really worried about you. You are not the Melly we used to know. What happened to her? You need to sort things now. Stop giving excuses. Start finishing up your stuff now. And, the wall is incomplete, just two coloured owls. What about the trees!?" I couldn't help but just smiled because she is really beautiful and she got a little angry. "I ran out of paint," was all I could really say. "See. Excuses!" was mum's rebuttal. "It's different. I am lacking inspiration. You just don't understand because it is really hard to finish off," was my counter. She kept quiet and looked at me with so much sadness on her face. I feel sad because I haven't seen that face on me before. All I wanted to tell her is how sorry I am for being weak. Then, my room got really quiet and she said to me, "Just finish your coffee story and send it to your editor first." I ended the conversation with an apathetic OKAY and she left. 

So, I got out of bed and here I am, sitting with one leg up while the other hangs freely and typing this. I know I shouldn't post this but my heart tells me I have to because this is some sort of an unfinished piece that needs to finish off. Spoke to my ex-colleague earlier and I was really happy to hear her voice. Good to know that my old team is still surviving although we used to be much better when I was still part of the team. I feel bad but then, happy because of the call and now, I am going to finish off my overdue 'coffee' story. I might be still brittle in some way but I know there's still some strong parts in my system because I am writing now. And, I take forever to write so if i am writing now, this is progression. So, Yay to me!

Good night and Happy Monday!

X,
Melly.